


if a flower like you were ever to bloom

by Princess_andromeda



Series: The Penguin and the Shark [11]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronical Hanahaki, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, I'm sorry Nagisa ily but your suffering was necessary;;;;;;;;, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Memory Loss, Slow Burn, Tags are prone to change, Temporary Amnesia, Terminal Hanahaki, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25644736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princess_andromeda/pseuds/Princess_andromeda
Summary: Nagisa stares, entranced, at the flower now in his plate—a cherry blossom, he realizes, Rinrin's favorite. He thinks that if he keeps missing him he will be able to fill a swimming pool like Rin-chan had wanted, even if they're out of season. Then he hears Nanako's anguished gasp.
Relationships: Hazuki Nagisa & Nanase Haruka, Hazuki Nagisa/Matsuoka Rin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: The Penguin and the Shark [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/642734
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	if a flower like you were ever to bloom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moeblobmegane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moeblobmegane/gifts).



> I have a lot of Nagirin drafts in my phone. Most from like 2017 or 2018. Surprisingly, this is from January 2019. And I only had the snippet from the summary written; I had liked the idea but not the title (schönen Blumen), but then I remembered Ando Yuki's "Wasuremono no mori" and it was such a beautiful title I went back to this.
> 
> I wanted to publish this when I had written until the third chapter (didn't happen), but today is Nagisa's birthday, and this was the only publishable thing lmao (except for the gazillion times I read and reread this to correct typos, I'm tired of looking at it), so I want to say I'll write it in August, but on the tenth I have my uni entrance exam (maybe-ish, and I'm also knees-deep in MDZS fandom). And blergh. I have at least the first three chapters outlined so???
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the angst train for now!

If Haruka had a word to describe Nagisa, it would be ‘Penguin’. Makoto, despite understanding him better than anyone, would ask if he hadn’t meant ‘duckling’ instead, but because he knew him so well, after a head shake his mouth would go ‘o’ and that would be it.

He remembers how skittish he was when he first came to the swim club, almost a year ago from now, curled up in a corner of the locker room sobbing quietly. It had reminded him of those times Makoto would fall in the playground, how his lips wobbled, his face reddened his eyes would fill up with tears and _oh_ , if that didn’t tug at his heartstrings.

“No crying.” The boy had flinched, startled by how sudden and how harsh he had announced his presence. Haru had never been the best with words, but probably a “what’s wrong?” would work better to coax this boy into not crying.

Haru waited until the sobs became hiccups and sniffles, muffled by the sleeves of his sweater. He sat besides him and wondered how he should proceed. He wasn’t a tactile person like Makoto, so he didn’t try to rub his back; he wasn’t very verbose either, so he didn’t try to offer comforting words. he could only sit there and wait (he’s very good at waiting) for the kid to talk.

“I didn’t want to come here,” the kid lifted his face. His eyes were puffy, his cheeks blotchy with drying tears and snot. It wasn’t a pretty sight and Haru mourned not having brought paper tissues like his grandma had told him to. “My dad wanted me to ‘man up’, because I’m a crybaby.” As if to prove this point, he sniffled again. “My sisters like to dress me up because I have a girly name, and they switched my trunks for a bathing suit when I wasn’t looking.”

Haruka, despite also having a girly name, didn’t really understand his dilemma, so he offered “you can borrow my trunks if you want” without thinking.

The kid’s eyes widened in surprise and hope. “Really?! You’d do that for someone you don’t know?”

“What’s your name?” The kid had tilted his head and frowned at the non-sequitur.

“Eh? I’m Hazuki Nagisa, but what—”

“Nanase Haruka,” something like pleased surprise flickered in Nagisa’s eyes, before giving way to realization when he declared, “now we’re acquaintances.” A giggle came forth.

“Nanase-kun is very kind.” Haru nodded, nonchalant to the praise.

“Now let’s go change, the water is waiting for us.”

At first he had been shy (had actually feared Makoto would get angry at him for making Haru wear a girly suit, before he realized the guy was harmless), but once he had warmed up to them; then they would be lucky when Nagisa didn’t seize up the opportunity to waddle up to them and chatter their ears off. Nonetheless, Haru would be lying if he said he wasn’t endeared.

* * *

When Matsuoka Rin had come to Iwatobi, demanding Haru compete with him and join him in a medley relay, he had gotten major Nagisa vibes, sans the cute factor that made him weak.

When Matsuoka had gotten into the lane next to his, trying to see who was faster even after Haru had refused multiple times, he had felt a fire (so unlike the cool calm of the water) take over his body and motivate him to win.

When they were walking home that day, Makoto had told him with no small amount of amusement about how little Nagisa had approached Matsuoka in the other pool and had talked to him until he got overwhelmed and walked to them.

Haruka’s chest warmed at the thought that Nagisa only took an interest in Matsuoka after the latter had started pestering him. Could it be that Nagisa had told him to stop pestering Haru by pestering him instead? Or had he been trying to assess his worthiness to become Haru’s friend? (Because that was the thing, even if he was friendly with everyone, he wasn’t _friends_ with everyone. He didn’t chatter about penguins, and space, and how his sisters had been a tad nicer lately with his year-mates, nor did he go out of his way to seek them out during the small time lapses they had between one exercise and the other.)

His fondness, however, soon turned into annoyance when their little talks were suddenly so full of Matsuoka. About how nice it was of him to help Nagisa with his butterfly stroke, and how cool he was for being a relay swimmer, and did you know he can speak English really well?

There was so much to talk about, so little time, and not one moment spared to ask if the water was still happy.

“Do you like Matsuoka better than me?” He hadn’t expected to ask that aloud, and by the startled look on Nagisa’s face, neither had he.

“What? No, Nanase-kun is Nanase-kun, and Matsuoka-kun is Matsuoka-kun. They’re not the same, so I can’t like one better than the other.” His confused pout turned into a thoughtful face before he grinned. “Unless Nanase-kun buys me pastries, then I’ll definitely like him better.” Nagisa clung to him as he giggled, and Haru let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

* * *

A couple of days more passed when Nagisa approached him, a mere minute before he was to be timed with the rest of the fifth-graders in breastroke, and asked if, should he place first, he’d be in a medley relay with Nanase-kun, would he not?

Haruka nodded, not knowing Nagisa was aware of just how weak he was to those wide eyes and was milking it for all it was worth; both to spend more time with him and to spite Matsuoka who hadn’t been very impressed with his sudden desire to not swim butterfly (but whether or not Haru accepted to spite Matsuoka was up for debate).

Nagisa outswam his peers with ease, and the relay team had its fourth member. After some talk about camaraderie and such, Haruka became ‘Haru’, Tachibana became ‘Makoto’, Matsuoka became ‘Rinrin’ (or ‘leader’, as he would later claim), and Nagisa was… Nagisa.

* * *

Begrudgingly, they become a team. And Haru becomes fond of Rin, but not in the same way and certainly not with the same intensity as with Nagisa. Even if they were eerily similar.

“Nagisa has improved a lot on his breastroke,” Rin told him once while they were molding their bricks. “He starts speeding up at the turn and he doesn’t even realize it! He’s also better when he’s swimming up against someone, and…”

 _Stop talking,_ he screams with his scrunched-up face as Rin continues to chatter non-stop about Nagisa like there’s nothing wrong with it. _When did you two become so close?,_ is what he wants to ask, insecurity clenching his heart in a grip that no amount of time spent in the water will ease.

And so, as Rin talks about the kid that’s so much like a younger brother, Haru tells himself that the burning in his chest reflected in Rin’s shimmering eyes isn’t jealousy.

* * *

They aren’t quite ready, not quite a team yet despite Nagisa’s and Rin’s best efforts, but the show must go on.

Rin confesses he’s going to Australia two days after the relay, he promises a sight they’ve never seen before, and Haru can no longer pretend he’s not affected by his words, can no longer pretend he isn’t reeling; betrayal stopping him from taking the hand offered to him.

(And it’s such a shojo scenario he wants to snort—wind blowing in his face and cherry blossoms falling like snowflakes.

The sun behind Rin shone bright, but it wasn’t blinding like Rin’s smile and—)

But then he thinks of Nagisa, who was so very excited about the relay and practiced for weeks on end; he thinks of his own heart going ba-thump every time he and Rin race, thinks of the blood rushing exhilarated through his ears, the feeling of being _alive_ he never quite got from the water; but then he thinks of all this, takes Rin’s hand and clings to it like a lifeline.

They get early to the pool on the day of the medley relay, and there’s no denying it—it’s awe-inspiring. Haru had never aspired to swim in a competition, so seeing this many people gathered and clamoring almost overwhelms him (even if the sun sparkling in the little waves that rippled the water made it seem informal like a normal practice).

He looks away to calm his misplaced nerves, and he can faintly feel Makoto’s knowing grin on him.

When the lady looks for their names in the girl’s list, Haru immediately looks at Nagisa, a little worry etched in his brow.

He hadn’t heard of his sisters being mean to him lately, and from the way he teased Rin (adding a ‘-chan’ or using the ‘Rinrin’ Rin had said got him made fun of whenever he addressed him) he didn’t seem uncomfortable with it, but he couldn’t help want some reassurance.

To his relief, Nagisa seemed too amused by Rin’s embarrassment at being confused with a girl to be upset about it.

* * *

They swim, and Haru feels a thrill, and as Nagisa then Rin dive into the water, he sees a sight he never thought he’d see; and then he dives in too, and he swims, swims, and swims. _I swim best free for the team_ , Aki had said their bricks formed, and he never understood it more than in that moment.

He gets out of the pool to excited shouts that overpower the sound of his own ragged breaths. He sees Makoto’s mirth, Rin’s lopsided grin (Haru makes no mention of his tears) and Nagisa’s bright smile (but Nagisa does, going as far as to call him a crybaby). Haru feels his heart swell and smile.

And here he is, four years later. Standing in the soon-to-be-demolished swim club with his friends. Makoto is still scared at the possibility of ghosts, Nagisa’s smile isn’t as bright as it used to be, and Rin’s grin is a cruel parody of what it once was.

Part of him expects Nagisa to brighten up, jump on Rin and say something silly like ‘Rinrin, you’re back from Australia!’, but there was no recognition whatsoever in his blinking eyes. Instead, he looked at their picture on the wall, then at Rin, then again back and forth. Realization settles in, lighting up his features as he smiles wider.

“You’re Gou-chan’s brother, right?”

Haru feels his heart sink to his stomach.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, Haru's PoV was only meant to be the locker scene, but he took off and I liked it? so this remains a prologue.
> 
> I read HS 4+ yrs ago, and just now I'm reading HS2 (I'm sorry ackndksd I'm lazy af and barely into ch 4), so details are ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ at best. But at the same time, there are some things from HS2 that are just such good additions to Nagisa's PoV for next chapter, which, essentially, covers HS2 lmao. so yeah. I'll finish writing that when i can.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Free!dom is dead, so I'd be surprised if anyone read.
> 
> Matane!


End file.
